


Leaving Me in Pieces (But I Swear it's Worth it Every Time)

by owlways_and_forever



Series: The Mischief They Create [19]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Drunkenness, F/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), One Night Stands, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:07:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26603446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlways_and_forever/pseuds/owlways_and_forever
Summary: When Sirius calls Marlene after a night out, she can't resist going over to his apartment. But will she ultimately regret that decision?
Relationships: Marlene McKinnon & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Series: The Mischief They Create [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888561
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Leaving Me in Pieces (But I Swear it's Worth it Every Time)

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Okay so... I don't write smut, like I've never done it before, and I'm not wholly confident in this. So just like... please be nice. Anyway that's all - enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: sex, nudity, drunkenness, language
> 
> Beautiful cover by DarkAngelofSorrowReturns

_The pull on my flesh was just too strong_

_It stifled the choice and the air in my lungs_

Marlene looked down at the phone buzzing in her hands. She knew she shouldn’t answer it. And yet, she was tempted. At nearly one in the morning, she knew it was either a butt dial or a booty call. If it was the former, then there was no harm done, but if it was the latter… Memories of passionate nights in bed with him flitted across her consciousness, stirring up an unwelcome longing.

Looking around to make sure that her friends weren’t paying attention to her, Marlene quickly ducked outside the little pub and held the phone up to her ear, pressing accept. The autumn air was more than a bit chilly, and she was already starting to regret not bringing a jacket with her.

“Sirius?”

“Heyyy! Marleeeeene!” he slurred into the other end of the phone, clearly intoxicated. Not that she really had any doubt that he would be.

“What’s up, Sirius?” she asked brusquely.

“I was just thinking about you -”

“You’re always thinking about me,” she cut across, snorting softly. “At least when you’re drunk.”

“I was just thinking,” he mused, ignoring her comment, and she could practically hear him swilling a glass of rum in his hand as he paced whatever room he was in, “about that time that we went pumpkin picking in Colchester and -”

“What do you want, Sirius?” Marlene interrupted. Even talking on the phone with him was dangerous, and she wanted to keep this conversation as short as possible.

“- and we were just having so much fun,” he continued, undeterred by her interruption. He seemed emotional and it was really the only indicator of how much he must’ve had to drink, because he normally was so in control of what he showed. “And we snuck off into that corn maze, even though it was closed, and I could barely even kiss you because we were both laughing so much. I miss that.”

“Tell me what you want,” she snapped, ready to hang up the phone. She didn’t need the reminders of how much she had loved him. 

“Come over,” he breathed in reply. “I want you.”

An ache for him coiled low in her abdomen, and Marlene bit her lip as she thought it over. She knew she should say ‘no’ and go back into the pub. She should keep getting drunk with her girlfriends, maybe go home with a stranger instead. She _should_ shut Sirius out of her heart instead of falling back into this pattern. But every time he called, she felt helpless, like he was some kind of siren beckoning her, and she never failed to crash into his rocky shores.

“Sirius…” she whispered, half hoping he would take the words back.

“Please. I miss you.”

And that was it, the magic words that tugged at her heart and made it completely impossible to resist him. 

“Okay,” she agreed, already knowing that she would regret this in the morning. “I’ll be there in like, half an hour.”

“I’ll leave the door open,” he said, and then he was gone.

Marlene sighed and turned back to the pub. She sidled up to the bar and quickly caught the bartender’s attention.

“Two shots of rum and the bill, please,” she ordered, and he nodded, quickly complying with her request.

Lily saw Marlene and narrowed her eyes. Something was up, she just knew it. Leaving Mary and Dorcas by the dart boards, Lily made her way to the bar, coming to a stop right next to her friend.

“Where’d you go?” she asked suspiciously.

“Oh hey,” Marlene replied, jumping in surprise at the sound of Lily’s voice. “I think I’m going to head home, I’m just not really feeling it tonight.”

“Sirius called, didn’t he?”

Marlene was quiet, not wanting to admit the truth, but her silence was just as damning. Lily tutted softly, but didn’t try to talk her friend out of her decision. She knew there was no point. Sirius was like a magnet to Marlene, and she was completely at his mercy.

“There’s only one way this is going to end,” Lily said with a disapproving look.

Marlene swallowed thickly. She knew Lily’s words were true, knew that this could only end badly for her, but somehow she couldn’t stop herself. Every time Sirius called, there was a shred of hope in her heart that things would be different this time. It didn’t matter that each time she was a sobbing mess in her apartment the next day; that hope just couldn’t be extinguished no matter how hard she tried.

“Thanks.” She nodded, grateful for her friend’s protective nature but also feeling very appreciative that the one sentence of warning was all the dissuasion Lily was going to attempt.

Marlene left some cash on the bar to cover her bill, turned around and left the bar. As she walked through the dark streets in the direction of Sirius’ apartment, she clutched her sheer, onyx blouse closer to her, wishing she had worn a warmer shirt. The heels of her boots clicked against the pavement, almost in sync with her heartbeat. Once she reached his building, she stood for a second, looking up at the window she knew was his. Last chance to turn around, to save herself this pain. But it was no good. She was an addict when it came to Sirius.

She pushed open the outer door and quickly ascended the two flights of stairs to his apartment, steadying herself and quickly adjusting her hair before she opened the door. Sirius was in his kitchen pouring two large glasses of rum, and for the first time Marlene wondered if he had actually gone out with the boys or if he’d just been drinking at home. Marlene leaned against the entryway to the kitchen, crossing her arms as she looked him over appraisingly. His dark curls were wild and he had on one of his more worn ACDC shirts above dark jeans that fit him _just right_. He turned around, his eyes immediately darkening with desire as they flicked from her ruby red lips to her sheer shirt that showed a particularly lacy black bra underneath.

“You know, there wasn’t a single thing to eat in this kitchen until you walked in,” he greeted with a playful grin.

He beckoned her with a jerk of his head, raised eyebrow, and salacious grin, as if to ask why she was still so far away. Every scrap of hesitation left her body, and she quickly crossed the room and launched herself into his arms. Without missing a beat, Sirius kissed her roughly, wrapping his arms around her waist tightly and leaning back until her feet were lifted off the ground. 

Sirius quickly set her back down, trailing his hands up her sides until he reached her jaw. He pulled her closer, into a more passionate kiss, and Marlene found herself clinging to him in an attempt to steady herself as the lightheadedness enveloped her. All sense of reason fled from her mind at his touch, only to be replaced with carnal desire instead. Sirius maneuvered their bodies and sent her backward until she was pressed against the cabinets and sandwiched tightly between the hard wood and the hard planes of Sirius’ body.

Marlene brought her fingers up to Sirius’ curls, running through them and scratching against his scalp. His hands began to wander again; his fingers skimmed over her breasts and stomach until he reached the hem of her shirt and snuck beneath it. Marlene felt her pulse hammering from the feel of his skin on hers, an aching need was building quickly. She pulled away from him slightly, breaking the kiss, and Sirius used the opportunity to lift her shirt over her head, just like she knew he would. In one smooth movement, he lifted her up onto the countertop, his hands lingering on her hips.

“You’re such a bad habit,” Marlene breathed, her head leaning back against the upper cabinets as he pressed his lips along the base of her neck. He was nipping and sucking at the soft skin there, undoubtedly leaving a mark.

“That’s the best kind,” Sirius hummed against her skin. “Do you want to stop?”

“God no,” she said breathlessly while he drifted his kisses down across her breasts.

He chuckled richly with satisfaction at her answer, maintaining his focus on covering every inch of her torso in hot kisses. Marlene grabbed his shirt and pulled it off, suddenly impatient with Sirius’ teasing explorations. With a hand on his jaw, she pulled him into another passionate kiss. His hands splayed across her ass and tugged her closer until her body was pressed tightly against his. The feel of his skin on hers lit another fire within Marlene, igniting all the feelings of love and longing that had been lying dormant since their last encounter. She wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him in closer until his hips were pressed snugly against hers, both of them growing more aroused from the contact and the heat building between them. 

“Sirius,” she said in a breathy moan that had him growling in response and popping the button on her jeans, peeling them down her legs and tossing them carelessly aside.

She replicated his actions with his own jeans, slipping the button free and pushing them down so he could kick them aside. As they shed the layers between them, Marlene felt the tiniest bit torn - part of her wanted to draw this night out into something slow and sensual, to have Sirius pleasure her with his fingers and tongue before moving on. But the other half of her was aching with a need to have him before he changed his mind and cared only about remembering how it felt to have him burying himself inside her once more. That part of her was tempted to slip her panties off and let Sirius take her right there.

Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what he wanted. With his hands still firmly grasping her ass, he lifted her up and moved through his apartment. His cock rubbed against her with each step, driving her wild with desperation. When they reached the bedroom, Sirius lowered her onto his bed, his mouth immediately seeking out her skin once more and leaving a trail of kisses that turned her skin red and flushed with heat. She tugged her bra off impatiently and threw it to one side, Sirius obligingly turning his attention to lavishing each breast with sucking kisses and worrying her nipples with gentle nips of his teeth. 

While his mouth was at work on her breasts, his hands were far from idle. He slid her underwear down her legs before teasing her briefly with a finger. He stroked her briefly, feeling her wetness at his touch, before shoving his own boxers off. Sirius glanced up at her quickly, and Marlene nodded, her permission the only thing needed before he thrust himself inside her roughly. He set a hard pace that betrayed his desperation, snapping his hips rapidly as he plunged as deep inside her as he could. Marlene felt her toes curling at the sensation, her fingernails raking across his back in encouragement. Sirius’ hips began to thrust more erratically the closer he got, but this was too quick for Marlene’s liking, so she took control.

In as smooth a movement as she could manage, Marlene flipped them around so she was straddling his hips. For a moment, Sirius just lay back, running his hands up and down from her hips to her breasts and eyeing her reverently. She started with short, teasing movements, only taking the tip of his cock inside her and swirling her hips slightly before retreating. She repeated the movement a few times, knowing that she was driving mad, before sinking all the way down on him without warning, drawing out a guttural moan from him. Marlene returned to her teasing motion a few more times, before drawing him fully inside one more. This time, Sirius sat up, wrapping his arms around her waist tightly and kissing her with bruising force. Marlene kept moving, her strokes shallow again, but this time drawing gasps from both of them with each one as he bottomed out inside of her and her clit rubbed against his pubic bone. Sirius’ fingers dug into her ass, tugging her back down hard each time she began to slide up, as if worried that she might not sink back down again. The pressure of his grip was the last sensation Marlene needed to send her over the edge, and her fingers, which had become tangled in Sirius’ curls, pulled roughly as an orgasm washed over her in powerful waves. Sirius bit down on her collarbone as her climax pulled his out too, moaning into her skin with pleasure. 

When the stars disappeared from behind their eyes, Sirius flopped backward, releasing his hold on Marlene so she could lift herself off him. Her hips felt stiff and her legs were a little like jelly as she stumbled to the bathroom so she could pee and use a damp washcloth to wipe away some of the sweat that covered her like a sheen. When she returned to the bed, Sirius had clearly gone to the kitchen and returned with the bottle of rum and both glasses, handing her one as she slipped under the covers next to him. She gulped the first glass down quickly before holding it out again for a refill. Sirius happily obliged, knocking back his own as he settled into the bed.

“Why do you always call me when you’re drunk?” Marlene asked, propping herself up on one elbow so she could look at Sirius carefully. The alcohol that was still coursing through her veins made her feel brave asking the question she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted the answer to.

“Because you’re hot,” he laughed, sliding one hand up beneath his head while the other gestured between them. “And I like doing this.”

Marlene shook her head, unsatisfied with his insincere and unconvincing answer.

“No, I mean why _me_?” she pressed, her eyes fixed on him, trying to read even the smallest changes in his expression. “Why not call someone else or go find someone out at a bar?”

Sirius thought for a minute, probably trying to decide whether or not to trust her with the anxieties that lived in the deepest recesses of his soul. She was mildly surprised when he answered, and the alcohol must have made him honest too, because when he answered, Marlene knew it was the truth.

“Because I’m worried no one else will have me,” he admitted stiffly, refusing to look at her as he said the words. “I’m a wreck, you see.”

“You used to be _my_ wreck,” Marlene whispered, longing to reach out to him, to cup her fingers around his jaw comfortingly. But she knew the rules of this - touching was fine when it was just sex, but afterward… those little touches and caresses that she wanted afterward were too intimate. They would make Sirius bolt for cover and crack her heart wide open. So she kept her fingers to herself, squeezing the cream coloured sheets tightly instead as he flinched slightly at her words. 

“That was a long time ago,” Sirius said, his voice hard as he stared up at the ceiling. 

“It doesn’t have to be,” she offered boldly, her heart shattering into pieces when Sirius only closed his eyes and made a face as if her words caused him physical pain.

Marlene sank back into the bed, cursing herself for opening up to this man once again. She closed her eyes and let the silent cascade of her tears lull her to sleep. 

When she woke up, Sirius was still asleep beside her. He looked peaceful there, unplagued by the splitting headache that she could feel building. In all likelihood, he would be feeling just as bad as she was when he finally woke up. Except that he probably wouldn’t be burdened with the self-loathing that was affecting her. Why did she let him keep doing this to her? Why couldn’t she just walk away for good?

Full of regret, Marlene slipped quietly from the bed and padded across the room, grabbing one of Sirius’ flannel shirts and shrugging it on. It’d be warmer than the blouse she had on the night before and frankly, it was the very least Sirius could do for her. She found her jeans in the living room, tugging them on and stopped at the door to grab her boots. As quietly as possible, she eased open the apartment door and disappeared through it.

Marlene was barely two blocks from his apartment when the tears started to sting her eyes. This was so much worse than it had been before. Every time she’d gone over since they’d split up, she had carefully avoided any kind of conversation about her feelings, and Sirius had always done likewise. It had been the shame in his eyes the next morning, his hurried attempts to politely get her out of the apartment that had communicated his feelings well enough. But his silence the night before, when she had put herself out there, had been humiliating. That little fire of hope that had kept burning inside her was fading quickly into the smallest of embers, and she was finding it harder to see anything but loneliness in his late night phone calls. 

She quickly dialed Lily’s number, hoping that her friend hadn’t been sleeping over with her boyfriend. She just couldn’t handle the couple’s cuteness today.

“‘Ello?” Lily answered sleepily, her voice thick and rough.

“Lily?” Marlene asked, her voice breaking slightly as she struggled to contain her tears.

“Come on over,” Lily said, knowing without asking what her friend needed. “I’ll make some tea.”

Marlene nodded against her phone before hanging up and changing course, turning down the next street to take the quickest route to Lily’s apartment. It was much closer to her own, only about ten minutes away from where she had been. When Marlene buzzed the doorbell, Lily let her up immediately, and she was standing there with open arms and a sympathetic expression when Marlene arrived at her apartment door.

“What happened?” Lily asked, enveloping her friend in a hug and closing the door behind them. The smell of warm cinnamon spiced tea was wafting through the apartment.

“I told him,” she confessed into her friend’s shoulder, “that I thought we could go back to what we had. That I still feel that way about him.”

“And what did he say?”

“He didn’t. He was just silent, he looked like he was regretting everything, like me saying that was his worst nightmare.”

“He’s a fucking idiot, Mar,” Lily swore, squeezing her tighter. “I’m so sorry.”

Marlene nodded and broke away from her friend, kicking her shoes off and making her way to the couch. She curled up on the soft cushions. Lily followed behind her, placing two mugs of tea on the coffee table. She waited quietly for Marlene to decide whether or not she wanted to talk more. There would be no ‘I told you so’ or judgmental looks - Lily knew that wasn’t what her friend needed. They both knew that there were a hundred rational reasons why she shouldn’t have gone over to Sirius’ last night, but they were both acutely aware of how infrequently love had anything to do with logical thought. 

Marlene began to shudder as silent sobs wracked her body, and Lily reached out to take her hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing tightly. They sat like that, in silent mourning and support, for the better part of an hour, before Marlene’s tears dried themselves up. She pushed herself up, eyelids red and swollen, feeling exhausted and only marginally better.

“Will you be alright on your own for half an hour?” Lily asked, reaching out to smooth Marlene’s wild obsidian locks. “I’m going to run out and get supplies.”

She nodded, sniffing slightly. She wasn’t entirely sure what Lily was going to get, but her friend always seemed to know exactly what was needed to cure - or at least soothe - a heartbreak. Lily leaned over and kissed her temple quickly before getting up and grabbing her coat and keys, slipping quietly from the apartment. Marlene barely noticed the time pass, so consumed by raw emotion that it felt like only minutes had passed before Lily was opening the door once more, her arms filled with grocery bags.

“Okay, I think I’ve got everything we could possibly need,” Lily announced as she unpacked the bags. “There’s chips and salsa and queso, donuts and ice cream, pizza bagels, ten Cadbury bars, and a packet of Oreos.”

She pulled each item out of its bag as she listed them and laid them all on the counter.

“Any preference?”

“Donuts, please,” Marlene croaked, and Lily happily obliged after slipping the ice cream into her freezer. 

Wordlessly, Lily took her place next to Marlene on the couch and grabbed the remote to the tv. She was well aware that unlike most people, Marlene only ever wanted to watch sappy romance movies when she was feeling blue. Knowing this, she quickly tapped out the number for the Hallmark Channel, relying on their Saturday movie marathons to help her friend feel better.

“Mar, you’ve gotta move on,” Lily said quietly as the movie credits began to roll. “Maybe he’ll come around or maybe he won’t, I don’t know, but you can’t keep going back to him and hoping that you’ll fuck your way back into his heart. There’s just no amount of sex that’s going to make Sirius deal with his issues, and until he does that, he’s going to run screaming from every chance at happiness that he’s got. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t find your own happiness.”

Marlene nodded absently, her eyes still focused on the television as the title scene for the next movie began to play. Lily was entirely right. But still, Marlene didn’t know how to let go, how to kick Sirius out of the place in her heart where he’d taken up residence. How was she supposed to make room for anyone else when he filled her up so much?

“I just don’t know how,” she said finally.

“Baby steps,” Lily answered. “Start by not taking his calls, not going over there.”

“That’s a pretty big step I think,” Marlene snorted.

“You can do it.”

With a deep sigh, Marlene nodded and reached for a doughnut. 

The movies cycled through all afternoon with one couple after another finding love, and each time they shared that final kiss before the credits - the one that meant they got their happily ever after - Marlene said a quick prayer that Sirius would get his shit together and they could be happy together. By seven in the evening, as the credits on their fifth movie rolled, Lily was asleep with a sugar coma, and Marlene was feeling a question tugging at her. She reached for her phone and quickly opened the messages app, tapping out the words quickly.

> _**How did you know that I would come over?** _

It took a minute, but as the little dots that meant he was answering appeared, she could practically see the shrug he would make as he answered.

> _**When it comes to you, I always get what I want in the end.** _

Marlene felt sick. She was weak and he knew it, and she would never deny him anything he asked, that much was clear. With all the resolve she could muster, she opened up his contact page and found the button that said Block Contact. It took a deep breath to steady herself as her finger hovered over it, but then she tapped the little button and watched the screen change. 

She felt a bit lonely, but somehow she never knew that loneliness could be so freeing. With the smallest, softest smile, Marlene leaned on Lily and lay her head on her shoulder, closing her eyes and allowing herself to drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> HSW&W Term 13, Asst 5 | Gryffindor | Etymology, Task 9 | Write about someone drinking too much and their actions following it  
> IPC #345 | [character] Marlene McKinnon  
> 365 #150 | Humiliating  
> Gryffindor Auction | Day 12, Auction 3 | [dialogue] “You know, there wasn’t a single thing to eat in this kitchen until you walked in.”
> 
> Summer Seasonal Prompts  
> Days of the Year | International Hangover Day | Write about ‘the morning after’ a night out  
> National Ice Cream Month | 10. Raspberry | Playful  
> National Indoor Plant Month | 16. Jade Plant | [action] Sleeping  
> Colours | 1. Onyx  
> Build-a-Fairytale | Stage 3: The villain… | 1. ...has an elaborate scheme planned out | [dialogue] “I always get what I want in the end.”
> 
> September Writing Club  
> Character Appreciation | 19. [dialogue] “Because I’m worried no one else will have me.”  
> Record Collection | Unorthodox Jukebox | 3. Gorilla | [action] drinking alcohol  
> Time Machine | 12. [song] Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons  
> Showtime | 2. Heigh-Ho | [color] ruby red  
> Elizabeth’s Empire | 18. Safe by Westlife | [dialogue] “I’m a wreck, you see.”  
> Scamander’s Case | 21. [emotion] lonely  
> Film Festival | 30. [dialogue] “I was just thinking about you.” / “You’re always thinking about me.”  
> Forecast Says | 13th: Windy | [dialogue] “There’s only one way this is going to end.”
> 
> September Monthlies & Fortnightlies  
> Pick-a-Wick | 1. Autumn Leaves | [setting] autumn  
> Breakfast | 10. Grapefruit | [trope] in vino veritas  
> Skyscraper | Floor Two | 10. [colour] cream  
> Founder Says | Rowena Says: Something Snarky | 7. “You’re such a bad habit.”  
> Shades of Oz | 18. Ruby Slipper | [colour] ruby red  
> Heartbreak Weather | 5. Small Talk | [dialogue] “Tell me what you want.”


End file.
